Blooded - betaying sympathy

Sean Pendr wrote:here is an example of dialogue from my book, it is in my opinion the best example of dialogue i have ever written. regardless of the fact none of you know the character please comment on the style and content of this dialogue. thank you and happy readings. ^.^


Lyska turned the corner in a rush, feet sliding over the polished marble, catching herself on the wall to avoid slipping before dashing off again. Unbidden thoughts raced through her head. Betrothed!? How dare he! Without asking how I felt about getting married!? I'm barely seventeen!

Bounding around another intersection, the doors of The Chambers of Eriene, Throneroom of the Princes, came into view, looming spectacularly over The High Hall. As she drew near the doors opened and out stepped a young man dressed in lavish furs that seemed s little big for his slight frame.
[b]there is no such thing as a word with just a "s" right befor little.

Lyska gasped, eyes widening at first with surprise then narrowing in hatred as she recognized the boy. It was Teryn, the one who slaughtered Marduk’s family, the one who wove an illusion of kindness and innocence during her childhood years before shattering it and burning the remains.

Teryn looked at her and smiled, not noticing her the contorted expression on her face. As she walked passed him into the chambers, she made a soft growl of warning. “Murderer!” she hissed, then shut the large marble doors in his face before greeting her father.
[b]start a new paragraph when you use dialogue

The Prince sat regally upon his throne, gold circlet offsetting his gilded furs that were not only draped across his aging body but also covering much of the stone around him. He opend his arms in welcome and smiled at her, his old eyes shining.

“My Lyska!” he exclaimed with love.
[b]don't space your dialogue so much
“Father.” came the dull response.

“My girl, I have great news, cause for a celebration with much exuberence.”

“My betrothal?”

“Why yes, wherever did you hear such happy words so quickly?”

Lyska frowned. Happy words!? That is the voice of damnation, of imprisonment to a life of a pampered captive, doomed to do nothing but give birth to children!

“From Ensarindia.”

Her father gazed at her quizically, having glimpsed the frown on her face. “Is something the matter?”
[b]start a new paragraph whenever you use dialogue. O.k?
“I will not share my blood with that monster.” Her eyes were cold now.

“And why not?” His smiled faded, voice slipping into a tone of harsh disapproval.

“You know his hands are soaked with the blood of those villagers! It was you who banished him from Eriene! I don't even see as to why he is walking your halls at this moment, the time of his exile is not yet halfway finished!”

“He has taken his fathers place as Lord of Beryn. I cannot disallow his right for seat at the Commandment of Houses, nor his privilege to ask for your hand. And do not forget that it was you who asked for his sentencement even if I was the one to exact punishment for such a minimal crime.”

“Minimal crime! Because of him you had to seal the Stone of Night, shutting the way between our valley and the outside world. It is because of him that Marduk has noone to truthfully call mother, father, or sister!”

The Prince’s eyes flashed threateningly, overlaid with a haze of amber. “The only reason that human boy’s heart is not ripped from his filthy flesh,” he spat, “is simply because when he entertains you, he removes from me the annoyances of your petty boredoms. When you marry, and you will, happy and compliant like the good little daughter you are, that pet of yours will be sold into slavery where no more will you, nor those around you lay eyes on his scrawny figure again. If you do not learn to love Teryn, he will have you come to fear him, both options will result in the same fate. The differences in choice change the amount of pain and misery you will experience.” With that her father waved his hand and the door guards grabbed her by the wrists.

“Alert The Palace Guard, my daughter is not to leave her room without escort, and a note of all excursions and visitors is to be made. Is that clear?” Half of those words were meant for the soldiers, the others, she knew from her father’s glare, were meant for her.

The guards bowed once to their liege then proceeded to remove her from his presence. Lyska struggled for a moment, straining against the strength of the well disciplined men, then gave in the the inevitable. She would escape that which was decided for her, that much was certain, it was how she had to worry about.